I always feel defeated whenever I see job offerings that has expectations such as:
* Has Good Command of the English Languages
* Excellent Communications Skills
* Fluency in English
How is it to be able to have excellent skills in English? One of the ways is reading. One reads to be able to familiarize themselves with words and expressions that can be used in everyday life and in everyday interaction with people.
Sad to say, I hate reading and I have to admit that my brain is always lazy to do anything productive in order for me to mature as a person I’m supposed to be.
My brother do have a good command in the English language, of course he grew up here and is probably more productive with his studies than I am despite him hanging out with his techie stuff in his room. I’m happy for him though don’t get me wrong. I can never envy my brother, in fact, if he asks help from me, I’d give it to him anytime as long as I’m not busy myself – which would most likely be an excuse, yet I won’t let him take advantage of that fact.
I always tried to reflect on a lot of things and it’s really annoying because I get sleepy when I do that. Do I have to be healthy? Am I lacking some kind of requirement in order to have the energy to become productive everyday of my life?
What makes me so worried about the idea of having a good command of the English language?
Last year, I joined in a speed reading workshop which took place in my university. I felt so great when I realized that I can read faster when I do leisure reading. But the sad part is that I do leisure reading on books which are not related to school such as novels and books talking about other stuff.
I reflected on that a lot and noticed that I felt that need to catch up in life. I wanted to relate myself to what other people are saying and make the right inferences in every utterance I hear from them.
Right now, I’m planning to go into this leadership program where I can train myself to become a better public speaker and a better communicator since it is needed in the workplace, in the community and in relationships. I only hope things will change once I finish that program, but there’s something else that I am so worried about.
I just don’t feel like pursuing anything! I just don’t feel like being productive! I just don’t feel like I can do anything because I don’t have the right knowledge and skills to be able to do them – all because I don’t pursue those knowledge and skills.
Ever since I became slightly independent, I figured it’s not something I really like. My parents raised me so that I can obey them and that one day I will be enslaved to my parents’ house being a family guy praying with them everyday and having no fun whatsoever all because I’m at home doing nothing interesting and adventure-like.
I want to get out of the house completely and meditate on things myself really.
I want to be able to bring out that real talent that I have so that I can disregard the requirement of communicating with fluency in the workplace.
I guess I’m my own worst critic.